I didn’t resign. Now I’m feeling worse than ever. Please advise?

Discussion in 'Secondary Education' started by LittleShakespeare, Nov 12, 2018.

  1. akconnel

    akconnel Rookie

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    Nov 29, 2018

    OMG I love your reply!!! Good for you! I was lucky my principal was very understanding when I resigned, but even if she wasn’t I wasn’t going to change my mind or look back.
     
  2. MathGuy31

    MathGuy31 Rookie

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    Dec 1, 2018

    Yes, I know you are a good teacher but some schools are extremely toxic and this isn't your fault! I hope the best for you and sorry you had to deal with all of this!
     
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  3. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Dec 10, 2018

    Hi, everybody.

    Happy Holidays. :heart:

    Today is the big day. I have my resignation letter ready. I'm going to hand it in by tomorrow, at the latest. That way, 2 months from now, I'll be done with this school.

    I know I'm an indecisive mess, but the last time we talked, and after a long talk with myself (weird, I know), I told myself that I'm not a quitter and that I can make it to June. I'm sorry. I'm weak. But I had another breakdown this weekend. My mom is ill, and my anxiety has been insurmountable. I think it resulted from a field trip we took on Monday.

    We were supposed to take our best ninth graders (5 from each teacher) to the local theater to watch "Romeo and Juliet." Some teachers sent their worst students. These are students that have been arrested before. I was so excited for the trip, simply because I'm in love with Shakespeare. You can tell from my profile picture! :) All morning, my enthusiasm for the trip was met with hard stares and anger. My co-teacher was such a grouch that she wanted to cancel the trip altogether. By the way, we walked into the theater missing the first half of the play. The school nurse "forgot" to medically clear all the students, even when she was told about this trip two weeks ago. We stumbled into the theater in Act 3.

    But what happened inside the theater is what broke my spirit. Aside from the students screaming, throwing things, yelling loudly, making inappropriate comments about Romeo and Juliet's wedding night, fake snoring, and having the security guards yell at our school and tell us to control our students, there was one student who made me cry during the performance. During intermission, he was wrestling with his friend, and I asked them to stop. They looked at me and pretended not to notice. I didn't know his name, but I tapped him on the shoulder. He looked at me straight in the eye and said, "Don't f*cking touch me. I can have the school fire you." This same student was yelling loudly after the performance ended and we were waiting to line up for the bus: "Are we going to stand here all day??"

    Not only that, but there was an English teacher who resigned. And guess what? Instead of hiring a new teacher, they split her classes among three English teachers! I'm one of them. I have 30 kids in one class, 5 of which need IEP's. There's one student who is severely disruptive, up to the point where I need to have security remove him from our class on a daily basis. And when I write him up or contact his guidance counselor to see if he needs in-class support, I'm to blame: "You know, he doesn't act like that in any of his other classes. I wonder what may be the problem in your class."

    Anyway, my rant is over, but here's the tea.

    When I got in touch with the community college that I plan to start working at, they told me there were no night classes available to teach. I took night classes simply to accommodate my high school job. However, I am going to call in and see if they have any day classes available. I'm also going to work like a dog until I find an office job or something else to support myself.

    My mom and I talked this weekend. I think it's time for me to go. I know it's going to be a struggle, but I qualified for free health insurance through my state. I know I'm going to be financially unstable for a while, but I feel like I can't cry myself to sleep every night.

    But I don't know why I'm scared of leaving. Is it because of the kids I actually love? Or is it because of the money? Is it because I'm downgrading, not being a bad-ass teacher in an urban school anymore?

    I'm on my prep right now, and I'm kind of freaking myself out. Please give me some words of wisdom, you guys. I am so grateful for you, and I promise this will be my last post about this topic.
     
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  4. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Dec 10, 2018

    You are doing the right thing.
     
  5. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Dec 10, 2018

    I just got off the phone with the community college. All the classes are taken. Now I don't even have the community college job lined up, at least for the spring. :(
     
  6. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Dec 10, 2018

    Does this mean you have no classes? I thought that you had already been hired? Regardless, I think that you need to hand in your letter of resignation.
     
  7. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Dec 10, 2018

    I'm still an adjunct professor there, but when I got hired in September, I posted my availability as only night classes. So, there weren't any available. But now, for spring, there aren't any classes available either, only because I also asked for night classes to accommodate my day teaching job.

    I know this sounds awful, but as I'm sitting here in class, as my kids are writing their essays, I think I should just stay. I'm scared that the debt and my financial issues are going to hurt me even more in the next few months.
     
  8. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Dec 10, 2018

    I believe my previous comment was taken the wrong way because it was reported.

    After what you explained at the field trip, I am surprised that you would change your mind and not resign given that you could do other jobs to make money.
     
  9. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Dec 10, 2018

    I know, you're right. To be honest, I'm trying to apply to some bank jobs. I have an interview tomorrow, but I'm freaking out about taking a sick day or personal day. I'm not allowed to take a personal day since I have to get it approved at least five days in advance. I also took a sick day last week because of a mental breakdown.

    My family keeps telling me to wait until I have something lined up, but the longer I wait, the longer it's going to take to resign. It takes 60 days.
     
  10. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Dec 10, 2018

    I'm going to give you the advice that I would give one of my children if they were in your position: for the sake of your mental health, you need to leave your current job as soon as you can. Hand in your resignation tomorrow if you didn't today. Once you have handed in that letter, make a job hunt your second job. Even if you can't find your dream job, or even a "career" job, I'm sure you can find something that will pay the bills while you continue your search.
     
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  11. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Dec 10, 2018

    Are you sure this isn't career suicide? :(
     
  12. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Dec 10, 2018

    It's career suicide only if you still mean for K-12 education to be your career. I believe MrsC is reasoning, from the ample evidence you keep giving to that effect, that you don't.
     
  13. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Dec 10, 2018

    I thought your resignation letter which means you terminate in 60 days keeps you from having your license removed. So, how is resigning career suicide? You were told to make looking for your next job your second job. That implies that you continue to work per your contract stipulation of giving 60 days notice.
     
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  14. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Dec 10, 2018

    Oh no, you’re right. I just mean resigning mid-year. But I’ll come up with an answer. I just need time to sleep.
     
  15. geoteacher

    geoteacher Habitué

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    Dec 10, 2018

    It does not have to be career suicide. From what you are saying, you have adequate medical grounds for resigning. If you must go sooner than the 60 days, get your doctor involved and go. I agree with MrsC in that I would never encourage a child of mine to stay in a job that is having a big negative impact on their health. Health trumps everything! Get out of this position and, at least temporarily, pick up another job until you decide what is best for you. Good luck!
     
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  16. heatherberm

    heatherberm Cohort

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    Dec 10, 2018

    Get out. You'll feel 100% better despite the difference in income from teaching to something more temporary. I'm not saying you won't feel it, but I'm sure you'll find that having to stretch your budget is preferable to being so stressed and worried day and night. It won't be career suicide as long as you give your 60 days notice, but really, do that as soon as possible. I was in a somewhat similar situation, and I can't even tell you how much better I felt the second I handed over my resignation. No job is worth your mental health.
     
    LittleShakespeare likes this.
  17. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Dec 10, 2018

    You guys, I just want to tell you something.

    Since it’s the holiday season, I’m trying so hard to remain humble and grateful, even in my struggles. I am so lucky I have you. I know we’re just colleagues on the internet, but I can’t begin to tell you how much your words and support have comforted me.

    I have been such a monster. This past summer, I was going crazy with my medication withdrawal. I was having breakdowns as we got closer to September. I thought I could ride it out, and I hate myself for saying this, but I’ve never felt so exhausted. Now, I’m in so much pain. I’ve been causing my family so much heartache. They are so worried about me; I’ve been lashing out and becoming a monster. Sometimes, I wish they could see what I’ve been going through at this school, the way the administration treats me, the way the English teachers are all laughing and secretly hoping I fail. Do you know what one of them said to me today? “Well, SOMEBODY’s gotta be the sacrificial lamb this year!”

    I’m lying in bed now, and I’m so exhausted. I’ve cried enough tears today to fill up our underground swimming pool in the backyard. I did no work when I got home. I literally just turned on Family Guy, had Taco Bell, and did some binge shopping at Barnes and Noble’s website. There was a coupon, so I couldn’t resist. :)

    You guys, I really do love you all, from my heart. You seem to be the only ones who understand my pain. Teaching is such a difficult profession, but it’s even more complicated when you don’t have the resources or when you’re in a poisonous environment. Thank you so much for everything.

    Please pray for me. I hope I’ll someday be able to teach again. I love being “Miss G.” There is nothing more wonderful than bringing joy to students. And I hope I’ll be able to do it again. Please pray for me, you guys. I want to find my right fit. I just want to be with my books for the rest of my life.
     
  18. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Dec 11, 2018

    Just my opinion, it certainly seems that teaching is not your forte. You seem to be getting worse emotionally the longer you stay.
    Have you looked into theatre jobs, opening a book store, working in a library, play writing...anything that let's you use your love of books to earn a living?
    Can you live at home while your income is reduced?
    I think, if you were in my family, I would ask you to give up the teaching job today and not worry about your license, but move on to a different type of job that uses your skills to better yourself.
     
    futuremathsprof likes this.
  19. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Dec 11, 2018

    It's career suicide to take too many mental health days. It seems like you can't mentally handle this job so it's really a no brainer.
     
  20. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Dec 11, 2018

    I actually thing you’re wrong. I think I’m a wonderful teacher. My kids adore me, and I adore the subject matter. I’m in the wrong environment, and I have a mental illness. That doesn’t mean I’m not meant to be a teacher.
     

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