I didn’t resign. Now I’m feeling worse than ever. Please advise?

Discussion in 'Secondary Education' started by LittleShakespeare, Nov 12, 2018.

  1. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Nov 12, 2018

    Hi, everybody.

    I hope you’ve all been doing well. I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a long time. I’ve been battling some serious issues both at work and home.

    I was set to put in my resignation letter in September, but I told myself I should stay. I’m not working with that awful co-teacher anymore, but I am severely unhappy.

    The VP at our school is known as an awful, tyrannical administrator. She purposely fails people during their observations because she has this hunger for power. Every year, she tries to find a target, and it is well known throughout the entire English Department that I am that target this year.
    I got a 2.56 on my observation, and many of the things she “saw” were just holes that she was trying to find. It’s okay, I’m not at all concerned about it. Honestly, I couldn’t care less because I am so over this school.

    I’m awake right now at 2:30 AM. I don’t have school on Monday for Veteran’s Day, but I want to make a decision. I don’t think I’ve ever been this unhappy. Every single day is a struggle to get out of bed. I am dealing with violent, aggressive students (3 in one class), and when I ask admin for help, they ignore me. The VP actually took me aside after I wrote up a kid for flipping his desk over, cursing me out, and storming out of my classroom. She said to me, “You don’t really understand our kids.” There was no punishment for him, except when he assaulted another kid. Then he was arrested.

    I have a master’s degree in humanities. I’m actually submitting my PhD applications for the Fall 2019 application cycle. I even went to the career center at my college to ask for help. I don’t think I want to teach high school anymore. Maybe I’m at the wrong school, or maybe it’s just gotten to me. I can’t go to work in the morning without having a panic attack. (Yes, this is with the new, stronger medication and two days of therapy a week).

    I was thinking of putting in my resignation letter on November 15th. My last day of work will be January 15th. According to my contract, I have to give 60-days notice. I have a new job that starts on January 18th, and it’s for teaching community college.

    1. Yes, I know the pay sucks.
    2. Yes, I know it’s still teaching, but at least it’s not at this high school.

    I even have the ability to work at an office during the day, so I will be able to support myself.

    I hate that I’m adding to the statistic of teachers leaving the profession, but I cry as I write this. I can’t even think about staying till June. When I do, my heart starts racing and I freak out.

    Please advise me? I don’t want sympathy and I don’t want cruelty. I know I’m a failure, so please spare me the spiel on how I’m an awful teacher and how nobler some other people can be. I just want to know if it’s wrong to leave my kids mid-year.
     
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  3. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Nov 12, 2018

    It is not wrong to leave your kids mid year. If you are in an untenable situation, you need to do what is best for you. Good luck.
     
  4. wldywall

    wldywall Connoisseur

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    Nov 12, 2018

    It's not wrong to put your mental health first. Your students will have an opportunity to learn from another teacher and you will find peace and less stress. Take care of you.
     
  5. rpan

    rpan Cohort

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    Nov 12, 2018

    It’s your responsibility to put you first, no one else will if you don’t. I think you should resign sooner, end the 60 days of hell sooner and have a nice short break before you start your new job! There’s no judging here, teaching is hard at the best of times let alone the worst of times.
    I’m glad you have made the decision to leave. Perhaps the college audience will share your passion for literature as they have chosen to be there.
     
  6. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Nov 12, 2018

    You need to make yourself the top priority. Put in your resignation as soon as possible.
     
  7. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    Nov 12, 2018

    Put in your resignation letter as originally planned. Your mental health and physical wellbeing are more important.

    To be frank, I keep getting mixed messages from you. You say you are miserable at your current school and that you have unsupportive admin and that you dread going to work there, so why are you staying? Then, you backpedal and say that you are unsure about staying. It honestly makes no sense to me.
     
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  8. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Nov 12, 2018

    I guess I just feel so guilty about leaving. I didn’t stay because I love the job. If anything, I stayed because I felt like I wanted to ride it out, but I’m not sure if I can do it anymore.
     
  9. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    Nov 12, 2018

    Why should you feel guilty when you’ve done everything you can while another teacher and your admin have been very hostile and/or unprofessional to you?

    Your talents are best spent elsewhere where you are happy AND you are appreciated. I am devoted to my students and colleagues and school because of the involved parents and community members, the inviting atmosphere, the fact that I am valued as an employee, and because I am compensated very well. My admin listen to me and here my concerns. Case in point, I recently asked my admin for another raise (10k) and didn’t expect one since I asked for one last year. To my surprise, their response was that they will strongly consider it and will get back to me soon. That’s the kind of place you want to be in, NOT the toxic environment that you have to work in now.

    Seriously, you owe it to yourself. Do you really want to stay miserable for the rest of your career there?
     
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  10. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Nov 12, 2018

    Do not feel guilty. Face the fact that this is not the right setting for you and move on. You deserve to be appreciated and valued for your skills and hard work. Leave and don't look back. I wish that more teachers would face reality and not give up their own sanity for the sake of the schools that don't deserve them.
     
  11. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Nov 13, 2018

    Hey, everyone.

    I am so sorry for my meltdown. I'm reading my post now, and I'm so ashamed of myself. I hope you'll forgive me. I've been causing such a disturbance at home too. My family has been so scared of me. I'm lashing out, freaking out, breaking down crying, etc. It's a nightmare.

    I went to work today like a soldier. It took every ounce of strength to get out of bed, but I did it. The whole commute, I was crying.

    I had a wonderful day with the kids. My violent kid got suspended, so he's out of my class for a whole week. However, the VP had a bone to pick with me today simply because I didn't write up another kid every single day for causing a disturbance in class. Ridiculous stuff. She LOVES to find holes in everything.

    Right now, I'm twirling the resignation letter in my hand. You know what's killing me?

    1. The money aspect: I am applying to some office jobs that have 401K, health benefits, and good salaries. This will help supplement my adjunct teaching position. I'm just scared because I don't have this secured yet. The office job that I initially wanted to go back to is just part-time. He just told me today.

    2. The kids: I have so many kids that make me dread my job, especially at this urban school. But then I think of the sweet kids who actually work hard and make my day. It's going to be so hard leaving them.

    But I can't deal with this administration anymore. Maybe I need to pray on this? The thought of staying till June is killing me. My 29th birthday is in June, and I'm so unhappy. I'm wasting my 28th year crying myself to sleep every day. Even when I get home, my time for peace, I'm miserable. My family is so afraid of me right now.
     
  12. TeacherCuriousExplore

    TeacherCuriousExplore Cohort

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    Nov 13, 2018

    If it makes you unhappy then you should leave. Forget the kids! Sadly, most of them will become products of their environment. Do what's best for you! The good children will be ok but are you equipped emotionally to give them good teaching and learning experience? No. So leave and never look back. I was in the same situation last year and I happy that I moved on with life.
     
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  13. Joyful!

    Joyful! Habitué

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    Nov 13, 2018

    First, thanks for reaching out. I certainly understand that you don't want to give up on your contract. It shows me that you value your word.
    Consider this: a contract is designed to give either party a way out if things that are unforeseen arise to make the situation untenable for either one. It is clear that the situation is not the right fit, so use the out clause in the contract without guilt. Both of you knew going in that the possibility existed that one of you could pull out within certain parameters. By resigning,giving the 60 day notice, you are keeping your word. Just quitting tomorrow-not keeping your word. Resignation letter on the 15th--keeping your word. Just a thought. :)
     
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  14. heatherberm

    heatherberm Cohort

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    Nov 17, 2018

    A few years ago I left a teaching job after Thanksgiving. It sounds like it was very similar to the environment you're in in some ways. I also felt bad about leaving many of the kids and my co-workers mid-year. It was 100% worth it though. I landed in a much better fit and I immediately felt so much happier and healthier. I don't think I'd even entirely realized how much that job was really affecting me until I left it. If your family is worried for you, I think it's probably past time for you to make the change.
     
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  15. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    Nov 22, 2018

    For the nth time, please just resign. Your mental health and family life are more important...
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2018
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  16. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Nov 25, 2018

    I think you just need to believe in yourself more. What I mean is that make a decision and just do it. Trust yourself. You've been going back and forth for a very long time about staying, going, resigning, not resigning. It;s exhausting for us to see, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you.
    You need to think logically and trust your instincts, make a decision and stick to it. Just because you have a good week, or a good few days (because one kid is not in your class) does not mean things have improved.

    Last year I have had enough with the kids, the horrible admin (he made everything horrible, including the kids) and one night a 2 am I made a decision to move to independent study.
    I thought about it for 2 days and felt logically and emotionally it was the best decision.
    I never thought I would give up classroom teaching for a teaching position that would involve 75 % paperwork (paperwork and grading) and working with students one on one.

    I'm glad things worked out nd I was able to transfer because I love it. We're actually on the same campus so I get to see my old students who now love me and miss me and tell me every day (of course, I'm no longer making them do work or telling them to be quiet lol) and I get reach more students one-on-one than I have on the past. I can build relationships and I already know I've made major differences in at least a few students' lives.
    No stress, I leave work and whatever didn't get done works for me until the next day.

    So just do it !!!!
     
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  17. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Nov 25, 2018

    How on earth does your VP have so much power? Perhaps s/he is unhappy and wants to make others' lives unhappy, too.

    It's my job as an administrator is to lift people up--not tear them down.
     
  18. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    Nov 25, 2018

    YTG, you’re awesome. I just wanted to let you know that. If I ever switch schools, I’d want you as as a P or VP. :D
     
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  19. akconnel

    akconnel Rookie

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    Nov 28, 2018

    I know you posted this a couple weeks ago, but having just resigned and feeling WONDERFUL about it, I wanted to chime in. See my post on my own resignation.

    First, if you resign the kids will be FINE. There is no substantial difference between you resigning and a teacher going on maternity leave the rest of the year, which happens a lot.

    Second, no matter how nice your administrators may be, you are a PERSONNEL UNIT to them. Nothing more. I know it sounds harsh but it's reality. It doesn't mean the administrators are bad people. It's just the nature of the business. Do you think they'd hesitate to get rid of YOU mid year if it wasn't working out for them? Not if they could help it.

    Also, leaving mid-year does not define you. It is a situation in life that will be added to the pile of other experiences that you have.
     
  20. heatherberm

    heatherberm Cohort

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    Nov 28, 2018

    One thing I'll add, just based on my experience. When I was job-hunting during the school year, looking for a way out of a previous situation, I was really worried that schools were going to ask me why I was leaving a job mid-year, that they would look on it poorly. I worked up all kinds of answers in my head. Not a single person asked. That might be unusual, I don't know, but they needed a teacher, they liked me, that was all that cared about. So don't let that worry you either if it is by any chance.
     
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  21. NewTeacher2016

    NewTeacher2016 Companion

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    Nov 29, 2018

    My school made the state headline news 3 times this year already so yeah, when I put in my resignation letter this Monday and gave them 5 weeks notice, they asked if I know the consequences blah blah blah and I was like, "yes, and I am leaving the state and will not be a teacher for at least 3 decades."
     

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