Houses - down payment - and who's name is in what?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by shoreline02, Jun 15, 2019.

  1. shoreline02

    shoreline02 Cohort

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    Jun 15, 2019

    Me and my boyfriend are currently looking for houses. His grandmother passed away recently and left him a large amount of money to use as a down payment. I unfortunately do not have a lot of extra money to put down. His family wants him to put his name on the house AND sign a prenup before we get married saying that if something happens to him, the house goes back to the family. Overall I understand their thinking but I said to him.... what if we live in the house for 30+ years and something happens to you? I suddenly give up the house I've lived in for 30 years? What if we have kids, etc.? Thoughts? All this sort of stuff is new to me.
     
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  3. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Are you buying grandma's house?

    If not, I would say no way to the terms they want. I can see making sure the sum of money that grandma gave him ends up back to him in addition to whatever else the judge decides if there is a divorce where you were not at fault such as he cheated or was physically abusive, etc. But for him to get the whole house because he had more of a down payment and you weren't buying a "family" house, not a chance.
     
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  4. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    Honestly I wouldn’t go for that. Houses increase in value in general and if you’re married for a certain amounts of years, you’re contributing to the mortgage, taxes, and general upkeep of the home. Maybe agree that he will get his grandma’s inheritance back in case things go south? But if he does, and you have kids, I think it’s fair it goes his new family.
     
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  5. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Honestly, I wouldn't buy a house with someone before I was a legal spouse. If he owns the house when you marry, and he wants a prenup at that point, then get a lawyer to look over it. I think you are witnessing a knee jerk reaction from the family to your boyfriend becoming financially entangled in a larger than normal way before there is a wedding. He is spending an inheritance, you are bringing little to the table in the terms of money. I have a son, and although I might not ask for a prenup, I would insist that the mortgage and title/deed be strictly in his name if he was putting up all of the down payment. The flip side, and I would accept this, is that if the relationship goes south and he needed financial help from his now ex to actually pay for the mortgage and upkeep of the home, the outcome may well be to sell the home, at a potential loss. My advice is to rent, put the inheritance somewhere it can grow, and if and when you marry this person, with merged assets, buy a house - or not. The most important part is that you will do it together as a legally bound couple.. Just to be clear, I don't care if it is male/female, or same sex couple - the important part is legally bound, IMO.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
  6. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I wouldn’t buy a house with anyone who was not legally tied to me.

    I bought my house before I married my EX. When we divorced, the house was not part of the settlement since it was mine before we married. He had never paid anything toward the house during the entire time we were married. I still live in the house. I married DH three years ago, and we lived together about six months before we married. His name only went on the house after we were married and renovated/added on to the house. DH contributed equally to the house and the sale of his house went toward this house. Both names are on the deed, and it is set with right of survivorship so the other one automatically gets the house in the event something happens to one of us.

    I would invest the inheritance and buy a house jointly if you wish.
     
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  7. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    I agree with the others that I would wait until you are married to buy the house. I've seen the buying a house with a gf/bf scenario go south way too many times.
     
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  8. CherryOak

    CherryOak Companion

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    Jun 16, 2019

    I agree. If you insist on moving forward, just let him buy the house all by himself. No prenup. No help from you. 100% potential benefit his in their minds....and 100% risk will be, too. But, few ever believe in risks.
     
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  9. Always__Learning

    Always__Learning Comrade

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    Laws vary so part of this depends on the laws in your state. In the province I live in, the primary residence is considered shared property no matter who paid for the house. So if I buy a house pay for it all myself, get married and we move into my house, the house is now considered marital property and is split between us if we get divorced.

    In terms of your situation, I wouldn't sign a pre-nup unless it applied only to property or assets from prior to the marriage (so if your boyfriend uses 50K for a down payment, he gets the 50K back not the whole house). If he wants to buy the house himself in his name, then I would either tell him he has to pay for all the costs associated with owning the house (mortgage, insurance, taxes) and we split the costs of living in the house (utilities, groceries, etc) OR I wouldn't move in with him and he can own his own house while I rent an apartment.

    I would not be paying rent to a boyfriend on principle. To me that is really just a work around for him to gain assets at your expense. If he pays the down payment and you sign an agreement that he gets that money back if your relationship terminates and you both pay 1/2 the mortgage, insurance, taxes then you both should own 1/2 the house. If instead you are paying rent which he is then using to pay the mortgage - really you are paying the mortgage indirectly and he gets all the financial benefit. Secondly, if you are getting married and one of you is paying more because one of you makes more that's part of being married. So even if he is paying more than 1/2 the expenses (or vice versa), that is what being married means. The only 'extra' he should walk away with is what he walked into the marriage with.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2019
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  10. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    State laws do vary, and circumstances also vary depending on who had the foresight to get legal advice before the purchase, just to make sure that what one "thinks" is the law in their state of residence "is" the law. In some states, a house owned by one person before the wedding may or may not become marital property, although by the time both names are on the deed, and both parties are responsible for the payments on the mortgage, they are viewed as one legal owner with equal rights and obligations.

    In divorce, there is often the distinction of what was owned separately before the marriage versus what has been acquired during the course of the marriage. What this really boils down to is the need to pay a lawyer in your state, and possibly consult with a divorce lawyer, who could lay out what would and would not be considered marital assets. It gets even more complicated if there is mingling of money before the marriage and then the marriage never happens.

    Bottom line, for me, is this: Houses are always for sale, so from that consideration, there is no rush to buy a house at this moment in time. There are safe investments that could help the inheritance to grow between now and the actual purchase of the home. Make a vow that the inheritance money is sacred, not to be used frivolously, or even for wedding costs. Once wed, the couple can make a joint decision on the home to buy, and it will almost certainly be considered marital assets. In the mean time OP can do her best to save for the future home, even if the amount isn't a lump sum equal to the inheritance. It will show solid intent to be a full partner in the purchase, bringing assets and skills to the acquisition. I think that this is a gesture that would go a long way towards appeasing the family, not that they have to have any real say. That said, it would be better entering into a marriage without animosity, with respect from the family one is joining.

    Money spent getting valid legal advice is never money wasted, IMHO.
     
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  11. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    Oh my goodness. I’m so glad I’m single for life. o_O
     
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  12. rpan

    rpan Cohort

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    Don’t buy a house together unless you are becoming spouses. A house ties you both together in a legal way so if either of you wants or needs to get out of the relationship fast for whatever reason its not as simple as packing a bag and walking out the door and never seeing that person again.
    There are legal protections in a marriage situation that a live together boyfriend girlfriend situation doesn’t have. Sorry to sound harsh.
    When you are really to take the next step, then buy a house together. At that stage I would not sign a prenup regarding the house or the inheritance. You are entering the marriage together and you each bring with you what you have. He may bring with him a larger sum of money but you could bring other things to the table that aren’t monetary but are still important.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2019
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  13. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I'm going to have to go with the majority here. I wouldn't make a major purchase with someone who was only a BF. My husband and I bought our house while we were engaged but by the time we moved in the wedding was only 4 months away so it seemed practical to put both of our names on everything at that point.
     
  14. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Playing house together only leads to problems...ask Judge Judy!
     
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  15. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    [​IMG]
     
  16. shoreline02

    shoreline02 Cohort

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    Jun 18, 2019

    Thank you everyone!
     
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  17. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    Devil's advocate here. I bought with my then boyfriend. BUT we knew it was a forever deal. We bought it 50/50, so a lot less complicated than your situation. Do you both see yourselves being together forever? If so, and I mean, really - as in why are you NOT getting married? (For us he was willing to wait until I was comfortable with it - I had issues with the institution, not the man)) then I think it is worth doing. IF you decide to go ahead I think the prenup should only be that you borrowed your share of the down payment. And only do it if you are comfortable walking away owing him whatever down payment you will owe him with whatever interest you agree to. (If any) And then everything else is 50/50. Don't sign anything that you are not 100 percent comfortable with.

    If it is all in his name, then you are a roomer, not a partner. And then it is ok if the rent is worth it and you both understand that you are paying rent. and he has responsibilities of landlord.
     
  18. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    My DD lives with her bf and they put their house in his name, because she already has property. They have broken up, made up dozens of times, now have a toddler together again AND his family moved in! So at the end of the day, if they stay together it’s still in his name, but she has more than enough in her portfolio that if she needs to start over she can.

    Personally, I think any future family that is that adamant about not letting you have any rights to anything is definitely a red flag, IMO.
     
  19. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    That’s good in theory, but in reality nobody knows for certain that anything is forever.
     
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  20. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    This is true. We also went in 50/50, both financially and sweat equity, so very different in that regard. We are now married - Got married on deck he built in back of house. I agree with others who are asking why the rush to buy the house? Good luck with all of it, no matter what decisions you make.
     
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